1 00:00:24,770 --> 00:00:28,290 Good evening. It's good to be with you again, isn't it, Ronnie? Yes, it is. And 2 00:00:28,290 --> 00:00:32,090 in a packed programme tonight, we shall have excerpts from four new BBC classic 3 00:00:32,090 --> 00:00:37,810 serials, What Katie Did, What Katie Did Next, Who Did What to Katie, and Son of 4 00:00:37,810 --> 00:00:38,810 Katie. 5 00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:44,390 And we'll have film of the Knaresborough Dutchman who got married this morning. 6 00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:48,830 This afternoon, he carried his happy bride over the threshold, but through 7 00:00:48,830 --> 00:00:50,750 of habit, dropped bits of her along the garden path. 8 00:00:52,490 --> 00:00:56,310 After that, we present the massed mounted vans of the household cavalry, 9 00:00:56,310 --> 00:00:58,490 followed by the massed buckets of the rhubarb growers. 10 00:01:00,370 --> 00:01:01,850 But first, the news. 11 00:01:02,210 --> 00:01:06,530 British Rail has introduced a new passenger service. It offers you 12 00:01:06,530 --> 00:01:10,570 Aberdeen, lunch in Newcastle, dinner in London, and your luggage in Birmingham. 13 00:01:14,030 --> 00:01:18,470 Mr. Zechariah Mole, the world's untidiest man, died today. 14 00:01:18,810 --> 00:01:20,650 His body is now lying in a state. 15 00:01:26,570 --> 00:01:32,770 This week is accident prevention week at Aldershot, and already 300 army wives 16 00:01:32,770 --> 00:01:35,970 have signed an undertaking to have a guard in front of the fire. 17 00:01:40,830 --> 00:01:44,830 Meanwhile, the search for the man who terrorized his nudist camps with a bacon 18 00:01:44,830 --> 00:01:45,830 slicer goes on. 19 00:01:48,450 --> 00:01:52,150 Inspector Lemuel Jones had a tip -off this morning, but hopes to be back on 20 00:01:52,150 --> 00:01:53,150 tomorrow. 21 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:09,320 The record company who recently issued Rod McEwan's greatest hit, Without a 22 00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:13,320 in the Middle, today offered the following advice to Biles. Take a polar 23 00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:16,960 and using it as a template, bore a hole through the centre of the record. 24 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:19,360 For even better results, play the polar mint. 25 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:27,780 Finally, in mere Wiltshire, a Great Dane has been crossed with a bicycle pump to 26 00:02:27,780 --> 00:02:29,720 produce a dog that really puts the wind up postman. 27 00:02:36,810 --> 00:02:41,610 Now a sketch featuring Mr Ronnie Barker, whose hit single this week shot up to 28 00:02:41,610 --> 00:02:43,370 number 36 in the Irish top 20. 29 00:03:06,890 --> 00:03:09,210 I saw you standing over here all on your own. 30 00:03:09,650 --> 00:03:11,350 I thought I'd just come over and make fun of you. 31 00:03:14,890 --> 00:03:16,610 Well, you have got a problem, haven't you, huh? 32 00:03:18,130 --> 00:03:19,930 You're the life and soul of the party, aren't you? 33 00:03:20,210 --> 00:03:22,990 I bet you're a right old little box of fireworks when you get going, aren't 34 00:03:23,330 --> 00:03:24,390 I'm sorry? Oh, dear. 35 00:03:24,590 --> 00:03:25,590 Oh, 36 00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:28,850 we're getting vicious now, are we? Oh, dear, vicious. 37 00:03:29,230 --> 00:03:31,570 I hope you're not one of these Hell's Angels people, are you? 38 00:03:31,810 --> 00:03:34,450 Come round to fright us with your thick knives and your razor blades and your 39 00:03:34,450 --> 00:03:35,590 copies of Woman's Own, are you? 40 00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:39,400 No, you're probably not, no. I actually think you're one of those obnoxious 41 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:42,620 people who gate -crash his parties just to pick fights with the bouncers, aren't 42 00:03:42,620 --> 00:03:45,600 you? I have not gate -crashed, I beg your pardon. I have an invitation. 43 00:03:46,180 --> 00:03:47,179 We both have. 44 00:03:47,180 --> 00:03:50,060 Oh, both? Oh, you're married, are you? Yes. Oh, dear, your poor old wife. 45 00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:54,580 She's scraping the bottom of the barrel with you, isn't she? Well, thank you not 46 00:03:54,580 --> 00:03:57,400 to talk about my dear wife like that. She is, in fact, a very warm -hearted 47 00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:58,400 generous person. 48 00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:01,060 I'll have you know she gave me extra pocket money last week. 49 00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:04,980 There aren't many women about like that these days. No, thank God. 50 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:07,160 She sounds a right old dragon to me. 51 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:09,520 Fancy being stuck indoors all day with her. 52 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:11,960 Oh, no, she lets me out every day to go to work, you know. 53 00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:16,660 Now, don't tell me what you do. You're an accountant, aren't you? 54 00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:20,120 No, no, much too boring for me. I require something that's much more 55 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:23,060 more stimulating. I may not look it, but underneath, I can tell you. 56 00:04:24,060 --> 00:04:26,200 Proper little firebrand, I should say. 57 00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:27,900 Oh, are you really? 58 00:04:28,340 --> 00:04:30,780 What do you do, then? What are you, a pork butcher in Golders Green, or what? 59 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:47,060 Gee whiz, baby. Fan my flies. You must be a right little tearaway, mustn't you? 60 00:04:47,860 --> 00:04:50,480 You probably only came here because you thought it was going to be an orgy, did 61 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:51,480 you? Certainly not. 62 00:04:51,620 --> 00:04:55,420 No, no, probably not. I think your idea of an orgy is a 1952 copy of Playboy, 63 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:56,440 isn't it? 64 00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:57,960 With all the good bits ripped out. 65 00:04:58,780 --> 00:04:59,780 What's your name, by the way? 66 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:01,040 Gavin. 67 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:07,800 Gavin? I'd say that must be the most exciting thing about you, isn't it, 68 00:05:07,900 --> 00:05:08,960 Oh, God, Gavin. 69 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:11,860 I can just imagine your parents lying there in the dark and thinking, that 70 00:05:11,860 --> 00:05:12,860 up. 71 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,080 They must be a right old pair. 72 00:05:15,300 --> 00:05:18,020 Talking of right old pairs, who made your teeth for you? A monumental mason? 73 00:05:19,860 --> 00:05:21,440 Or did you cut them out of orange peel? 74 00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:27,080 Are you trying to make a fool of me? Good heavens, no. 75 00:05:27,300 --> 00:05:29,340 No, no, no. I think you're managing very well on your own. 76 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:34,160 Is your wife here, by the way? As a matter of fact, she's over there talking 77 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:36,080 your wife. My husband's a millionaire. 78 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:37,560 What's yours? 79 00:05:37,770 --> 00:05:38,709 A little rat. 80 00:05:38,710 --> 00:05:39,710 Is he here? 81 00:05:39,770 --> 00:05:41,810 Yes, he's over there talking to your husband. 82 00:05:42,370 --> 00:05:46,030 And it's time he was going home. He's beginning to enjoy himself. 83 00:05:47,010 --> 00:05:48,370 Come on out. 84 00:05:49,150 --> 00:05:51,850 Bedtime. You haven't said a word to me all evening. 85 00:05:52,190 --> 00:05:56,190 Off hobnobbing with your male friends half the night, me standing here like a 86 00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:57,190 lemon. 87 00:05:57,290 --> 00:06:00,250 Come on out. Yes, all right, dear, I'm coming, I'm coming. 88 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:11,460 Good evening, here is the news. 89 00:06:12,020 --> 00:06:15,320 In the House of Commons today, there were stormy exchanges from both sides of 90 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:18,560 the House during a discussion on the Prime Minister's forthcoming visit to 91 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:19,560 United States. 92 00:06:19,700 --> 00:06:23,580 Using the new abbreviated form of speech introduced into the Commons to save 93 00:06:23,580 --> 00:06:29,120 time, the Foreign Secretary replied to the MP for N2, Mr BF, and said that the 94 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:32,740 PM should P andO to the US as air travel was NBG for a VIP. 95 00:06:34,220 --> 00:06:37,820 In the 707, anyone could KO the PM and the UN could do FA. 96 00:06:42,990 --> 00:06:48,870 The latest trade figures are described as encouraging by the chance of... The 97 00:06:48,870 --> 00:06:55,470 chance of the exchequer. The October figures... I'm awfully sorry, we seem to 98 00:06:55,470 --> 00:06:56,850 picking up sound from another studio. 99 00:06:58,270 --> 00:06:59,270 Excuse me. 100 00:06:59,430 --> 00:07:00,430 Hello? Yes. 101 00:07:01,250 --> 00:07:02,410 Yes, of course I can hear it. 102 00:07:03,410 --> 00:07:05,410 Of course I can. It's Jackanory. 103 00:07:08,070 --> 00:07:09,490 Well, yes, I watch it sometimes, yes. 104 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:13,000 Yes, very much. Yes, very much. 105 00:07:14,220 --> 00:07:17,180 I apologise for the sound breakthrough. It is being traced. 106 00:07:17,780 --> 00:07:19,260 Meanwhile, I will continue. 107 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,680 Inflation still continues to rise at an alarming rate. 108 00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:28,020 Mrs Thatcher, attacking the government's policy, said, once upon a time, there 109 00:07:28,020 --> 00:07:29,020 were three bears. 110 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:30,280 I'm sorry. 111 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:36,200 Once upon a time, there were three dollars to the pound. 112 00:07:36,660 --> 00:07:37,760 And then there were two. 113 00:07:38,620 --> 00:07:40,640 Two little dollar bills sitting on the wall. 114 00:07:44,750 --> 00:07:45,990 Fly away, Peter. Fly away, Paul. 115 00:07:46,250 --> 00:07:49,270 Come back, Peter. Come back in the days before the Labour government took over. 116 00:07:50,650 --> 00:07:54,510 She was greeted with loud cheers, and then she went home and had tea in the 117 00:07:54,510 --> 00:08:00,030 nursery with lots of lovely jelly and... And she ate so much that she was sick. 118 00:08:01,790 --> 00:08:02,790 Sport. 119 00:08:03,070 --> 00:08:07,150 Bob Fairbrother, now fully recovered from the leg injury, had originally 120 00:08:07,150 --> 00:08:10,890 to play this Saturday, but has now stated that he cannot, as his mummy 121 00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:11,890 him. 122 00:08:12,110 --> 00:08:14,390 He says he can't come out to play until he's done his homework. 123 00:08:15,450 --> 00:08:19,090 Now it's time for another adventure about Little Ben, the Wedge of Wood. 124 00:08:21,730 --> 00:08:26,350 Little Ben was always being hard done by because he was only made of wood, and 125 00:08:26,350 --> 00:08:29,710 being wedge -shaped made it even worse because people used to tread on his thin 126 00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:31,030 end and kick his fat end. 127 00:08:33,090 --> 00:08:37,110 He was always afraid to walk down the street because he was frightened of the 128 00:08:37,110 --> 00:08:38,510 boy who lived at number ten. 129 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:42,020 He was called Sonny Jim, but he wasn't Sonny at all, really. 130 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:47,440 In the boy next door, Dennis the Menace, used to tease the men, because he was 131 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:50,760 different from them, and then they'd run away and he would be left on his own. 132 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:52,940 And he'd say, why am I always left? 133 00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:55,760 So he went to see Jenkins. 134 00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:59,920 He went to see Jenkins the Wizard, who lived far away in the Welsh mountains, 135 00:09:00,180 --> 00:09:03,980 who sometimes turned into a big green dragon, and other times wore a white 136 00:09:03,980 --> 00:09:04,980 collar. 137 00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:09,210 He told Jenkins the wizard he was always left, and Jenkins the wizard said, 138 00:09:09,290 --> 00:09:11,250 Don't be silly. Of course you're not left. 139 00:09:11,570 --> 00:09:12,570 That's ridiculous. 140 00:09:12,830 --> 00:09:17,210 My advice to you is to go for a trot. Go for lots of trots. With a few trots 141 00:09:17,210 --> 00:09:18,750 behind you, you can't be left, can you? 142 00:09:19,970 --> 00:09:24,630 He turned into a green dragon again and ordered a large gin and tonic. 143 00:09:51,470 --> 00:09:56,630 Piggy Malone and Charlie Farley, our two heroes, dauntless, hopeless, and the 144 00:09:56,630 --> 00:10:02,250 laughing stock of the underworld, once again were on the trail, speeding down 145 00:10:02,250 --> 00:10:05,370 Devon in search of the answer to a number of mystifying questions. 146 00:10:05,590 --> 00:10:08,670 Who was murdering the yokels and dumping them in London? 147 00:10:08,930 --> 00:10:13,370 Why were they all dressed alike? And why did they all come from the same place, 148 00:10:13,630 --> 00:10:16,450 a remote village called Drake's Bottom? 149 00:10:19,340 --> 00:10:22,320 Iggy and Charlie were on their way to finding out. 150 00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:27,180 Well, here we are then, Chief. 151 00:10:27,580 --> 00:10:28,580 We are, yes. 152 00:10:28,620 --> 00:10:29,620 No one else seems to be. 153 00:10:30,020 --> 00:10:31,240 There's not a soul on the station. 154 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:33,860 Perhaps just as well, except we didn't buy a ticket. 155 00:10:34,620 --> 00:10:35,620 Yeah. 156 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:39,760 Yeah, when did you change out of your schoolboy uniform? I never saw you. 157 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:41,540 In the toilet on the train. 158 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:42,960 Oh. 159 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:44,660 Taken a bit of a chance, weren't you? 160 00:10:44,860 --> 00:10:46,640 If you got caught, we'd have had to pay full fare. 161 00:10:48,970 --> 00:10:49,970 Where is everybody? 162 00:10:52,470 --> 00:10:54,110 Perhaps it's early closing day. 163 00:10:54,930 --> 00:10:56,930 But there must be some form of transport. 164 00:10:58,170 --> 00:10:59,810 Taxi! Yes? 165 00:11:02,590 --> 00:11:04,470 How long have you been there? 166 00:11:04,690 --> 00:11:06,870 I just come. I come to meet the train. 167 00:11:07,550 --> 00:11:08,610 Are you a taxi? 168 00:11:08,870 --> 00:11:09,870 Yes. 169 00:11:10,830 --> 00:11:11,830 Well, where is it? 170 00:11:12,470 --> 00:11:15,270 You tell me where you want to go first. 171 00:11:15,790 --> 00:11:18,290 We want to go to Duck's Bottom, my good man. 172 00:11:18,869 --> 00:11:19,869 Drake's Bottom, Chief. 173 00:11:20,370 --> 00:11:23,950 Oh. Well, it's all the same, isn't it? Well, it's not to a duck it isn't. 174 00:11:25,790 --> 00:11:26,830 Drake's Bottom, eh? 175 00:11:27,650 --> 00:11:28,650 That's it. 176 00:11:29,130 --> 00:11:32,910 You want lower Drake's Bottom or upper Drake's Bottom? 177 00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:36,170 Up to you, Charlie. 178 00:11:36,370 --> 00:11:37,370 You're navigating. 179 00:11:38,150 --> 00:11:42,430 Well, I suggest we start at lower Drake's Bottom and work our way up to 180 00:11:42,430 --> 00:11:43,430 Drake's Bottom. 181 00:11:44,630 --> 00:11:45,630 Righto. 182 00:11:46,410 --> 00:11:49,600 Only, I mean, uh... You have got a taxi, have you? Otherwise all this 183 00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:51,080 conversation is a bit academic, isn't it? 184 00:11:52,180 --> 00:11:54,460 It's at home. I'll just go and fetch it. 185 00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:58,220 Why don't you bring it with you? 186 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:02,640 Saves petrol, doesn't it? Wear and tear on the upholstery. 187 00:12:03,060 --> 00:12:04,060 Shall be long. 188 00:12:08,540 --> 00:12:10,680 What about the wear and tear on his upholstery? 189 00:12:18,540 --> 00:12:19,540 I hope he's not long. 190 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:27,600 You got two pea, Chief? 191 00:12:28,780 --> 00:12:30,220 No, why? Oh, it's all right, I've got one. 192 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:31,720 Come here. 193 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:33,120 No, 194 00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:37,360 I haven't got a two pea. It's all right, I know how to work a dodge on this. 195 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:38,920 Get on. 196 00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:45,680 22 stone six. 197 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:50,900 Half of 22 stone 6 is 11 stone 3. 198 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:54,080 Oh, goodness, you've lost a lot of weight. 199 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:56,320 Actually, 15 stone. 200 00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:01,360 I put on a hell of a lot, you know. Watch it. 201 00:13:16,620 --> 00:13:18,220 I've never known a place so deserted. 202 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:20,240 Not a soul about anywhere. 203 00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:22,520 Perhaps they're having a siesta. 204 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:25,740 Don't they have siestas in Devonshire? 205 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:29,740 A lot of people go to Spain for the holidays these days. They might have 206 00:13:29,740 --> 00:13:30,740 up the idea from there. 207 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,620 I've noticed more people in London going to bed in the afternoon lately. 208 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:38,760 Only because you've been up more ladders looking in bedroom windows. 209 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,200 I mean, that is our main line of work, isn't it? 210 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:43,440 Divorce and that. 211 00:13:44,970 --> 00:13:48,270 By the way, that couple you were studying in Kilburn, were they genuine? 212 00:13:48,930 --> 00:13:49,970 No, they were false. 213 00:13:51,070 --> 00:13:52,350 The bra was padded. 214 00:13:55,010 --> 00:13:56,010 Big pity. 215 00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:57,970 Huh? 216 00:13:59,370 --> 00:14:00,790 I said big pity. 217 00:14:01,230 --> 00:14:03,170 I thought you said something else. 218 00:14:05,790 --> 00:14:10,910 And so our two heroes, searching for lodgings, found themselves at Darkling's 219 00:14:10,910 --> 00:14:11,910 Farm. 220 00:14:12,490 --> 00:14:15,210 Little did they know what lay in store for them. 221 00:14:35,830 --> 00:14:38,970 There's an unhealthy atmosphere about this place. I can sense it. 222 00:14:39,530 --> 00:14:40,790 Think you'll find that's the pigs. 223 00:14:44,810 --> 00:14:46,210 Oh, afternoon, gentlemen. 224 00:14:46,810 --> 00:14:47,810 Looking for lodging? 225 00:14:48,130 --> 00:14:50,130 Yes, I was wondering if you could fix us up. 226 00:14:50,550 --> 00:14:52,750 Yes, I think I've managed you all right. 227 00:14:53,110 --> 00:14:54,110 Come on in. 228 00:14:54,490 --> 00:14:55,490 All right. 229 00:15:07,450 --> 00:15:08,910 You're a big boy, aren't you? 230 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:22,740 If you gentlemen have had enough to eat, I'll show you your bedrooms. 231 00:15:23,140 --> 00:15:24,140 Yes, very nice. 232 00:15:24,220 --> 00:15:25,220 Very nice supper. 233 00:15:26,100 --> 00:15:27,160 Shall I be a tech? 234 00:15:31,300 --> 00:15:38,020 Have you 235 00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:41,460 a soup? 236 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:43,540 Yes, it was very nice. 237 00:15:44,540 --> 00:15:45,740 What soup was it? 238 00:15:46,060 --> 00:15:47,460 It was nice, wasn't it? 239 00:15:47,740 --> 00:15:50,870 Yes. Good cook, my wife. Good at anything. 240 00:15:51,570 --> 00:15:52,570 Really? 241 00:15:55,010 --> 00:15:56,890 Not younger than me, you know. 242 00:15:57,670 --> 00:15:59,590 I known her since she were a babby. 243 00:16:02,050 --> 00:16:04,030 I used to sit her on my knee. 244 00:16:04,930 --> 00:16:05,930 Not any more. 245 00:16:06,350 --> 00:16:08,150 If not, she'd suffocate you. 246 00:16:10,050 --> 00:16:11,790 What soup was it? 247 00:16:12,070 --> 00:16:13,490 Eh? What soup was it? 248 00:16:13,830 --> 00:16:16,290 Eh? What soup was it? 249 00:16:16,530 --> 00:16:17,530 Eh? 250 00:16:17,770 --> 00:16:18,770 What soup was it? 251 00:16:18,930 --> 00:16:19,930 Eh? 252 00:16:20,770 --> 00:16:22,050 What soup was it? 253 00:16:22,270 --> 00:16:23,270 Eh? 254 00:16:23,410 --> 00:16:24,670 What soup was it? 255 00:16:24,990 --> 00:16:25,990 Eh? 256 00:16:26,550 --> 00:16:28,230 Very nice. Very nice indeed. 257 00:16:28,550 --> 00:16:29,690 Yes, it was nice. 258 00:16:31,550 --> 00:16:33,810 Did you like it? No, it was horrible. 259 00:16:34,250 --> 00:16:35,450 Yes, it was nice. 260 00:16:36,150 --> 00:16:37,150 Very nice. 261 00:16:39,810 --> 00:16:40,810 Right then. 262 00:16:40,930 --> 00:16:45,070 Oh, by the way, lock your bedroom doors because our Elsie tends to wander about 263 00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:46,070 a bit in the night. 264 00:16:46,230 --> 00:16:48,240 Elsie? Oh, yes, I've met her yet. 265 00:16:48,580 --> 00:16:49,800 She's out at the moment. 266 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,440 Oh, she's lovely. Oh, you'll like her. 267 00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:57,420 But she gets sort of restless at night. She's got a very friendly nature, you 268 00:16:57,420 --> 00:16:59,580 see. And she wanders about half asleep. 269 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,340 And she's a bit inclined to get into bed with you. 270 00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:05,640 And you wouldn't want that, now, would you? 271 00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:07,520 I wouldn't. Sorry, I mean. 272 00:17:08,420 --> 00:17:09,420 No, I wouldn't. 273 00:17:10,579 --> 00:17:12,359 Oh, yes, we must remember that. Lock the doors. 274 00:17:20,750 --> 00:17:23,609 Mind you, I've got the key to all the rooms. 275 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:35,520 What is the secret of Darkling's farm? 276 00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:37,780 Is Farmer Green a CIA agent? 277 00:18:38,340 --> 00:18:42,080 What has the farmer's wife got up her sleeve, apart from half a hundred weight 278 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,080 of mutton? 279 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:49,600 Find out next week in another exciting episode of Stop Your... 280 00:19:06,250 --> 00:19:06,869 you, Hugh. 281 00:19:06,870 --> 00:19:08,750 Did you manage to get through to HQ? 282 00:19:09,130 --> 00:19:11,290 Two minutes to two. Two minutes to two. 283 00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:12,930 Yes, I think they realized. 284 00:19:13,350 --> 00:19:16,750 Yes? I think they realized I was due to get through. They cleared the line. 285 00:19:16,970 --> 00:19:17,970 Divine. 286 00:19:18,230 --> 00:19:19,570 What news of support? 287 00:19:20,150 --> 00:19:21,150 Nought. Nought? 288 00:19:23,110 --> 00:19:26,490 Lord Gort up at the fort thought we ought to have sought support. 289 00:19:28,450 --> 00:19:30,230 Before we went out and fought. 290 00:19:30,810 --> 00:19:34,350 Say we ought, say we ought. It's all a bit fraught. We are going to get caught. 291 00:19:34,570 --> 00:19:35,570 Pass the port. 292 00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:40,130 Here we sit, grounded, surrounded, and completely confounded. 293 00:19:41,310 --> 00:19:42,630 Cut off by the krauts. 294 00:19:44,230 --> 00:19:45,530 Oh, dear, I feel queer. 295 00:19:48,090 --> 00:19:49,890 I think I'll have a brandy, Sandy. 296 00:19:50,410 --> 00:19:51,410 Do, dear, do. 297 00:19:53,430 --> 00:19:55,290 I've been, uh, I've been thinking. Drinking? 298 00:19:55,530 --> 00:19:56,530 No, thinking. Oh. 299 00:19:56,850 --> 00:19:59,450 Yes. We are not trapped completely, Captain Wheaty. 300 00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:02,100 There are certain very tight gaps in these jetty -type jets. 301 00:20:03,060 --> 00:20:05,160 Here is a map of one of the gaps. 302 00:20:06,020 --> 00:20:07,320 Take a gander, Commander. 303 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:11,600 Good grief, O 'Keefe, do you expect me to squeeze through these? 304 00:20:11,860 --> 00:20:14,040 A man of my size with my thighs? 305 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:15,720 I'm a holiday, Halliday. 306 00:20:16,060 --> 00:20:18,360 O 'Keefe, sir. O 'Keefe, oh, quite, quite. 307 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,220 Oh, I'm thoroughly misforgotten, hot and rotten. 308 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:22,900 And the stench in the trench. 309 00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:26,560 If I'm not caught by Jerry, I shall die of beriberi. Oh! 310 00:20:29,830 --> 00:20:30,830 Pretty infernal, Colonel. 311 00:20:30,910 --> 00:20:33,230 That's the understatement of the year, you little queer. I've had it up to 312 00:20:34,970 --> 00:20:37,630 Don't panic and get manic. Oh, it's no good, chummy. 313 00:20:37,950 --> 00:20:38,950 Oh, lummy. 314 00:20:39,310 --> 00:20:40,830 I want my mummy. 315 00:20:42,830 --> 00:20:44,230 Here, suck this dummy. 316 00:20:46,730 --> 00:20:48,710 Come over to the bed and rest your head. 317 00:20:49,030 --> 00:20:52,650 Try to unroll yourself and control yourself while I give you the lowdown on 318 00:20:52,650 --> 00:20:53,650 showdown. 319 00:20:54,210 --> 00:20:57,750 Look, now we may have run out of ammo, but we've still got an ammo. 320 00:20:58,240 --> 00:20:59,560 He is conquering disease by degrees. 321 00:21:00,900 --> 00:21:03,420 Private Schwartz has got warts. Private Doyle's got boils. 322 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,800 Private Wurzel's pet weasel's got the measles. 323 00:21:06,740 --> 00:21:08,500 Corporal Clappy is not a happy chappy. 324 00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:11,940 Still, you can't be a saint with his complaint. 325 00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:14,060 No, nobody smiles with piles. 326 00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:17,220 Still, it's worse for the nurse. 327 00:21:17,820 --> 00:21:19,960 Oh, God, what a balmy army. 328 00:21:20,700 --> 00:21:22,000 Do you fancy a flip, sir? 329 00:21:22,380 --> 00:21:24,900 Let's slip out of this hellhole. 330 00:21:25,340 --> 00:21:27,920 Well, I'd certainly sooner be in Solihull than sitting here shivering in 331 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:28,920 stinking load of shrapnel. 332 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:30,920 What's the plan, little man? 333 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:32,780 Frank's tank is on the bank. Frank? 334 00:21:32,980 --> 00:21:35,020 Frank Messiter, the cricketer from Chichester. Oh, him! 335 00:21:35,300 --> 00:21:36,300 I thought his name was Jim. 336 00:21:36,620 --> 00:21:39,600 Is he no longer with us, Smithers? Not any more. He's gone before. 337 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:41,060 Jerry threw this grenade. 338 00:21:41,260 --> 00:21:42,780 There sat Frank in his tank. 339 00:21:43,219 --> 00:21:46,480 dreaming of cricket and a straight middle wicket. When this grenade came 340 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:49,420 the wall, Frank thought it was a ball, caught it and bought it. 341 00:21:50,580 --> 00:21:53,560 So there sits Frank's tank on the bank, and we've only Frank to thank. 342 00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:55,040 Can you drive it, private? 343 00:21:55,260 --> 00:21:59,420 I think so, yes. I can say without fear of being egotistical, my vehicle test 344 00:21:59,420 --> 00:22:00,640 verged on the artistical. 345 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:02,620 I can't repeat that. 346 00:22:02,860 --> 00:22:04,620 I'd rather not try. I can quite see why. 347 00:22:05,300 --> 00:22:08,380 When we leave... As soon as you feel partial, feel partial. Oh, good. 348 00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:10,080 So it's all go, go, go. 349 00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:12,560 Bravo. We're all set. Let's have a wet. 350 00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:16,440 Talking of a wet, might I be excused, Generalissimo? I want to pop outside for 351 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:17,440 a... Yes, I know. 352 00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:22,280 And so must I. So must I. But watch out for a hun with a gun. 353 00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:23,680 You go first. 354 00:22:23,980 --> 00:22:26,240 If I hear a short burst, I shall feel the worst. 355 00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:28,640 If you hear a long thigh, you'll know I'm high and dry. 356 00:22:34,020 --> 00:22:37,120 Hello? Your 45th, the Fusilier here, HQ82. 357 00:22:37,360 --> 00:22:38,360 Who are you? 358 00:22:38,460 --> 00:22:39,419 You are? 359 00:22:39,420 --> 00:22:40,420 You are? They are? 360 00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:42,180 Oh, how far? 361 00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:45,580 Oh, hurrah! I see you in the barn by your cigar. Ta -da! 362 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:48,800 We're relieved. 363 00:22:48,860 --> 00:22:49,860 You as well, sir. 364 00:22:51,540 --> 00:22:53,260 Get the Sergeant Bone on the phone. 365 00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:57,080 Captain Hooper has turned up trumps with... 22 troopers. They fired a 366 00:22:57,080 --> 00:23:00,580 and hit the Kaiser squarely in the tricer. He has retreated much depleted. 367 00:23:00,780 --> 00:23:03,860 Ah, then now's our chance. Before we get hurt and dropped in the dirt, let's put 368 00:23:03,860 --> 00:23:04,839 on spurt and dessert. 369 00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:06,940 But... Dessert? It's a good idea, my dear. 370 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:10,440 You think we could start a new life together, Merryweather? Of course we 371 00:23:10,500 --> 00:23:14,120 silly man. Oh, you've made an old man very happy, you dear chappy. 372 00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:16,180 Just call me Merry, you old fairy. 373 00:23:23,470 --> 00:23:25,590 Ladies and gentlemen, the Nolan sisters. 374 00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:21,740 Lay that thing down before it goes off and hurts somebody. 375 00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:01,880 one two one 376 00:25:39,150 --> 00:25:44,230 This week I'd like to tell you, if I may, a rather religious story, because, 377 00:25:44,230 --> 00:25:48,710 you probably know, today is the last Thursday before Sunday. 378 00:25:50,050 --> 00:25:54,610 I know that sounds rather like a pathetic excuse to tell an old joke, and 379 00:25:54,610 --> 00:25:58,290 is exactly what it is, because this joke needs an excuse. 380 00:25:58,590 --> 00:26:01,690 And if I could have thought of a better one, I would have done. But as my old 381 00:26:01,690 --> 00:26:06,570 dad used to say, he used to lean forward in his chair, Ron, he used to say like 382 00:26:06,570 --> 00:26:08,490 that, you know, Ron, you know. 383 00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:09,720 I always remember that. 384 00:26:09,740 --> 00:26:14,080 Actually, he didn't lean forward. I am leaning forward so that you'll know when 385 00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:15,920 it's me talking and when it's him, you know. 386 00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:20,040 Ron, he used to say. He had a wonderful memory for names. 387 00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:26,840 Ron, he would say, and a habit of repeating himself that I seem to have 388 00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:29,020 inherited. Ron, Ron. 389 00:26:29,940 --> 00:26:33,140 You know, I've concentrated so much on method acting that I can't for the life 390 00:26:33,140 --> 00:26:36,680 of me remember what he said. Oh, yes, yes, again, yes, again, yes. 391 00:26:37,150 --> 00:26:42,450 Ron, he said, always remember, he said, always remember, if I had a pair of oars 392 00:26:42,450 --> 00:26:44,490 and some water, I could have rode this chair to Oxford by now. 393 00:26:48,430 --> 00:26:50,030 He didn't say that, I said that. 394 00:26:50,910 --> 00:26:55,990 What he actually said was, Ron, always remember, he said, the show must go on. 395 00:26:56,830 --> 00:27:00,330 And he was 40 years a centre lathe turner, so I don't know why I troubled 396 00:27:00,330 --> 00:27:01,330 mention it. 397 00:27:02,470 --> 00:27:03,610 But I did, so there. 398 00:27:03,950 --> 00:27:04,950 Anyway, the joke. 399 00:27:05,130 --> 00:27:11,210 Two vicars meet in the street, and one of them says, Woe is me, he said. Woe is 400 00:27:11,210 --> 00:27:15,550 me, some thieving parishioner has made off with my bike, and from now on it 401 00:27:15,550 --> 00:27:18,630 looks like Shanks' pony forever and ever, etc., etc. 402 00:27:18,930 --> 00:27:20,490 Or worse for that effect. 403 00:27:20,750 --> 00:27:25,350 Good heavens, said his friend, lapsing into the professional jargon. Good 404 00:27:25,350 --> 00:27:26,350 heavens, he said. 405 00:27:26,730 --> 00:27:29,430 By the way, now please don't think, I don't want you to think I am knocking 406 00:27:29,430 --> 00:27:32,950 religion, or anyone's religion in particular. I wouldn't do that, believe 407 00:27:33,420 --> 00:27:35,800 I can't wait to see the Pope catch up with Dave Allen. 408 00:27:41,300 --> 00:27:42,560 That'll cure his dandruff. 409 00:27:43,700 --> 00:27:47,600 Anyway, I do come, to be honest, I come from a very, very devout family. 410 00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:51,080 Actually, my mother has recently started her own religion. 411 00:27:51,740 --> 00:27:55,220 It's called the Hare Krishna Good Old Days and Bingo Appreciation School. 412 00:27:56,680 --> 00:28:01,680 And it's all based... rather loosely on the assumption that Del Shannon is a 413 00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:02,960 reincarnation of Nellie Wallace. 414 00:28:04,540 --> 00:28:08,280 My dad actually goes along with it all, to be honest. Just something to do since 415 00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:09,280 his ferret died. 416 00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:16,780 He is actually the high priest of the golden altar and second reserve human 417 00:28:16,780 --> 00:28:17,780 sacrifice. 418 00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:25,300 He was first reserve, but he works in Tesco's on Friday evenings. 419 00:28:27,180 --> 00:28:30,860 Actually, to be honest, they're both rather eccentric, you know. It runs in 420 00:28:30,860 --> 00:28:33,860 family. Good heavens, I've got an aunt who likes Bernard Manning. 421 00:28:35,700 --> 00:28:36,700 I digress. 422 00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:37,880 I digress. 423 00:28:38,180 --> 00:28:42,260 Back to the story, which incidentally was told to me by our local vicar, you 424 00:28:42,260 --> 00:28:44,400 know, after Eden Song and the Rat and Handbag. 425 00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:47,660 There's a little hostillery I frequent, you know. 426 00:28:47,900 --> 00:28:49,820 It's four -starred in the short change guide. 427 00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:56,280 And I promised... I promised to tell it on the telly because he is a nice chap. 428 00:28:56,650 --> 00:29:01,410 what a worker too I'll tell you something I recall that an immigrant 429 00:29:01,410 --> 00:29:06,150 moved into the parish and he was round there before you could say get the curry 430 00:29:06,150 --> 00:29:13,050 on a short talk from him and they not only embraced Christianity but asked 431 00:29:13,050 --> 00:29:20,010 if there was any more of it he pops into the round he pops into the he 432 00:29:20,010 --> 00:29:23,490 pops into the he pops 433 00:29:26,060 --> 00:29:27,860 I told you I had a habit of repeating myself. 434 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:33,200 He pops into the rat and handbag, the vicar, has a couple of pints, and takes 435 00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:34,340 confession behind the jukebox. 436 00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:37,960 He's not a Catholic, you know, he just enjoys confessions. 437 00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:43,920 Anyway, I don't know why I'm talking about it so much, actually. If he hadn't 438 00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:45,980 got the wrong collars back from the laundry, he'd still be on the buses. 439 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:51,220 And there we are, the two vicars. 440 00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:54,320 talking about one of them had his bike stolen, remember? 441 00:29:54,620 --> 00:29:59,280 Woe is me, he says, our one whose bike it was. Yea, woe is you, said his 442 00:29:59,880 --> 00:30:01,620 His friend said, what about the local police? 443 00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:04,580 He said, I've thought about them, but I don't want to accuse anybody until I'm 444 00:30:04,580 --> 00:30:05,580 absolutely sure. 445 00:30:06,620 --> 00:30:11,340 And his friend says, I've got an idea. He says, next Sunday, you get up there 446 00:30:11,340 --> 00:30:13,640 and you give them the full ten commandments. 447 00:30:13,860 --> 00:30:17,220 And when you get to thou shalt not steal, have a look for the red face, and 448 00:30:17,220 --> 00:30:19,700 will be the one who has purloined your philosophy. 449 00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:26,100 But I have a great temptation about here to tell the story about when Moses was 450 00:30:26,100 --> 00:30:29,880 in the desert. And he heard the voice say, Moses, how would you like some 451 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:32,620 tablets of stone with some commandments engraved thereon? 452 00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:36,780 And Moses replied, you must be joking. He said, here I am, fed up, far from 453 00:30:36,780 --> 00:30:39,400 home, in the wilderness, and you are trying to sell me some stones. 454 00:30:39,620 --> 00:30:40,900 Goodbye and thank you for calling. 455 00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:45,380 And the voice said, I am not selling them for free. And Moses said, I'll take 456 00:30:45,380 --> 00:30:46,380 ten. 457 00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:56,460 A couple of weeks later, the two vicars meet again and they stand there talking 458 00:30:56,460 --> 00:30:57,460 shop about. 459 00:30:57,560 --> 00:31:00,900 you know, life on the one day a week and that sort of thing. And if buttons go 460 00:31:00,900 --> 00:31:03,260 out of fashion, will people put zip fasteners in the plate? 461 00:31:04,340 --> 00:31:10,540 One of them said, how did you get on about your bike? 462 00:31:10,780 --> 00:31:14,120 Did the Ten Commandments idea work? And the other vicar said, yes, he said, it 463 00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:18,840 worked marvellously. He said, I went through them all one by one, and when I 464 00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:21,540 to thou shalt not commit adultery, I remembered where I left my bike. 465 00:32:15,879 --> 00:32:21,280 I am heaven, he is die. 466 00:32:21,900 --> 00:32:28,820 Though he's small and I be no much, he can get 467 00:32:28,820 --> 00:32:32,220 much lower than I am. 468 00:32:32,460 --> 00:32:38,460 Me and heaven, me and heaven, all 469 00:32:38,460 --> 00:32:42,500 we want to do is sing like anything. 470 00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:13,580 to make an honest curse. 471 00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:21,040 We might have a young face or an old face. You can't tell behind this 472 00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:22,040 ruddy dust. 473 00:33:23,140 --> 00:33:27,060 Ruff and tuff and black as the ace of spades. 474 00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:34,380 Ruff and tuff and black as the ace of spades. There's no colour problem 475 00:33:34,380 --> 00:33:36,420 down the pit. 476 00:33:41,850 --> 00:33:43,690 We use our brains, boys. 477 00:33:43,910 --> 00:33:46,910 We leave the mines and start life anew. 478 00:33:47,610 --> 00:33:51,810 But the coal dust gets into your veins, boys. 479 00:33:52,130 --> 00:33:54,430 And lots of other funny places. 480 00:33:56,230 --> 00:33:59,730 Pit head baths, they don't remove the black. 481 00:34:00,350 --> 00:34:06,750 In the nude, we stand there back to back. Like a ton and a half of nutty 482 00:34:21,679 --> 00:34:24,940 © BF -WATCH TV 2021 483 00:34:45,389 --> 00:34:50,409 Took a girl to have some fun she last Friday night. 484 00:34:51,610 --> 00:34:58,290 Wouldn't let me kiss or hug her. She just come to watch the rugger. Sent her 485 00:34:58,290 --> 00:35:00,330 home that stupid blood wind. 486 00:35:03,170 --> 00:35:03,970 My 487 00:35:03,970 --> 00:35:12,250 wife 488 00:35:12,250 --> 00:35:14,250 is a real fanatic. 489 00:35:36,100 --> 00:35:43,020 I met a girl 490 00:35:43,020 --> 00:35:47,060 called Megan, oh, she's got a wooden leg and a wooden tit. 491 00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:53,280 Be nice sort of look on her face Now Megan was a cockney And her one knee it 492 00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:59,100 a knockney And the other one had woodworm All over the place Megan's flat 493 00:35:59,100 --> 00:36:04,480 far from us And she made me a solemn promise To show me a Dylan Thomas On a 494 00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:10,220 bookshelf in the loo I started shaking When she said her name was Megan Bacon 495 00:36:10,220 --> 00:36:16,280 You can guess what I had for breakfast I had berries 496 00:36:22,540 --> 00:36:27,860 I met a girl called Sally, who worked in the Rhondda Valley, giving lessons in 497 00:36:27,860 --> 00:36:33,740 Bali, and she charged half a quid. I danced with my fan, we, and my fan, we 498 00:36:33,740 --> 00:36:38,560 said, can we? I fell flat on my fan, we, and we damn nearly did. 499 00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:42,800 Then I met another girl called Shirley, who was big, beaky, broad, and burly. 500 00:36:42,940 --> 00:36:47,020 Her hair, it was short and curly. She played scrum hard for real. 501 00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:54,700 But the nicest was Amanda, when I kissed her on the... She asked 502 00:36:54,700 --> 00:36:57,880 me to stop and I'm stopping there still. 503 00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:09,640 Once a year the ball is ringing with the sound of Welshmen 504 00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:16,100 singing. At the fancy dress I stepped foot down in go, go, go. 505 00:37:17,060 --> 00:37:20,940 It was such a grand I stayed foot. 506 00:37:21,600 --> 00:37:28,500 Opened by the Duke of Bedford. I went to rest as Robert Redford on 507 00:37:28,500 --> 00:37:30,320 his half day off. 508 00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:33,780 Everyone competing. 509 00:37:35,180 --> 00:37:37,600 Drinking, smoking, eating. 510 00:37:38,500 --> 00:37:44,000 Songs were sung and leaks were sprung and things were seen that wouldn't bury 511 00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:45,000 teaching. 512 00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:49,380 Oh, conductor Albert Stratton. 513 00:37:49,690 --> 00:37:56,570 trouserless, but with his hat on, a ribbon tied around his baton, 514 00:37:56,570 --> 00:37:58,810 he one second cries. 515 00:37:59,350 --> 00:38:06,290 To the valleys of the Rhondda, singing songs from way back 516 00:38:06,290 --> 00:38:13,090 yonder. But our minds are bound to wander when we've had a jar. 517 00:38:13,910 --> 00:38:17,870 Blood wins bosoms cause a ruffus. 518 00:38:18,190 --> 00:38:25,110 Especially when she's wearing jumpers. Black like knockers, more like bumpers. 519 00:38:25,150 --> 00:38:27,270 Oh, God, no more car. 520 00:38:29,250 --> 00:38:31,210 Megaton of Randy. 521 00:38:32,130 --> 00:38:35,090 Granny smashed on Shanty. 522 00:38:35,710 --> 00:38:42,090 Auntie Glad's gone raving mad with a Randy handyman from Tony Pandy. 523 00:38:57,260 --> 00:39:03,120 And so say all of us. And so say all of us. Oh, don't go down the mine, Dad. Oh, 524 00:39:03,140 --> 00:39:06,620 don't go down the mine, Dad. Oh, don't go down the mine, Dad. 525 00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:11,300 There's plenty of coal in the bath. 526 00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:22,940 Before we go, two late football 527 00:39:22,940 --> 00:39:26,360 results. The Arsenal -Stoke City match was abandoned. 528 00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:30,140 and the game between Nanita Nancys and Farnham Fairies was very abandoned. 529 00:39:32,900 --> 00:39:34,380 So that's all for this week. 530 00:39:35,060 --> 00:39:38,220 Next week we hope to be talking to the man who crossed the naughty 90s with a 531 00:39:38,220 --> 00:39:39,980 Japanese airman to get a cami -nicker pilot. 532 00:39:41,940 --> 00:39:46,460 And we'll have a live link -up with Australia where a skunk has been crossed 533 00:39:46,460 --> 00:39:48,620 with a koala to produce a poo bear. 534 00:39:52,650 --> 00:39:56,030 And good news for coach drivers, Peter Pan has successfully been crossed with a 535 00:39:56,030 --> 00:39:58,330 travel pill to produce a little boy who never throws up. 536 00:39:59,990 --> 00:40:02,470 And finally, news from the Middle East. 537 00:40:02,770 --> 00:40:07,950 After exchanging his 500 wives for 500 others at a harem -swapping weekend 538 00:40:07,950 --> 00:40:13,310 party, his magnificence, the potentate of Abdul El -Wadi, henceforth wishes to 539 00:40:13,310 --> 00:40:16,250 be known as his patheticness, the impotentate of Abdul. 540 00:40:22,979 --> 00:40:25,600 So, it's goodnight from me. And it's goodnight from him. Goodnight.